


Die, Die, Die My Darling

by hansungchan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Cheating, Detectives, Drama, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Friendship, M/M, Murder, Murder Mystery, Mystery, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:53:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansungchan/pseuds/hansungchan
Summary: Five boys and a murder. Everyone is a suspect. A mystery that would expose the lies hidden behind the innocent facade and alluring smiles. There’s only one question: “Who killed Na Jaemin?”
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	1. Introduction: Les Suspects

The house is quiet when Renjun woke up. The clock beside his bed confirms it’s 10:00 in the morning. With the sun rising high from outside the window of his room only makes the all too silent surroundings quite _suspicious_.

Groggily, he left the comfort of his bed and lazily put on his fuzzy slippers. Outside of the room, only silence greets him. Not Chenle’s high-pitched and dolphin-like laughter he’d always complain for. Nor Jisung’s footsteps running on the background. Even the sight of Donghyuck and Jeno making out on the couch is nowhere to be seen. He wonders where are those people, leaving the house completely vacant at this time of the morning.

‘ _Did I read it wrong?’_ he thought to himself, eyes peaking at the large clock hanging on the living room this time.

No, he didn’t. The clock here says the same time as the clock in his room. So where the hell are the others if it’s already this late?

Normally, Jaemin would be up early- earlier than most of them- to prepare breakfast. But the absent smell of a toast, or fried rice, or even pancakes in the air says something. The kitchen is empty when Renjun passed by.

“Oh, hey hyung.” Jisung’s voice came from behind him, Renjun almost had a heart attack at the sudden sound.

“Jesus Jisung, don’t creep on people like that!” Renjun spoke in a breath of relief, a hand on his chest.

The younger, who obviously looks like he just got up from the bed, laughs. “Well, you were too busy looking around. Not my fault you didn’t notice me.”

“Obviously I don’t. Anyway, where are the others? Did you just woke up?!”

“ _Duh._ Chenle’s still in the bed, refusing to get up. As for Donghyuck and Jeno hyung, I dunno. Probably still in bed too? You know how they are.” It’s true, among all of them those two are the last ones to wake up. Renjun will not be surprised if they can sleep until the afternoon, just hibernating in their own space.

“Where’s Jaemin hyung?” Jisung yawned. “I woke up late because I was expecting Jaemin hyung to wake me up once breakfast is ready. Though _this_ woke me up instead.” He tapped on his stomach.

“Speaking of, I was just about to get him.” Renjun nods at the youngest, leaving Jisung to head in front of Jaemin’s door.

“Jaemin-ah! Are you up?” When Jaemin did not respond, Renjun tried again, knocking louder this time. “Jaem!”

Instead of Jaemin’s door opening, it was the door a few steps away from Jaemin’s that did. Revealing Donghyuck and Jeno, both yawning and looking just as sleepy. “What’s that noise? It’s too early in the morning,” Donghyuck mumbles.

Renjun blinks at the two. “Yeah, it’s 10 a.m.” He knocked hard again. “Jaemin open up!”

“You know what, just open it and go wake him personally. Less noise, less trouble,” Jeno suggested before passing him by with Donghyuck on his tow.

The Chinese sighed, twisting the metal knob on his hand. _It’s unlocked._ Jaemin never leaves his door unlocked.

Slowly, the door opened followed by an eerie creaking usually heard from a horror movie. Renjun swallows the thick lump in his throat as the door widens. At first glance, the room looks as normal as it could be. Until Renjun’s gaze fell on the floor. Where bits of broken shards of a vase were scattered.

Walking closely, Renjun saw Jaemin’s foot hanging from the bunk. Just from that weird position and it was clear something unusual was going on here. Something horrifying, _deadly_.

It was confirmed when Jaemin’s body was fixed into full view. Taints of thick, and now dried blood smeared on the white cotton sheets. More than that, the blood was from the gush underneath the huge cut from Jaemin’s head. Where said male is lying, eyes stretched open with his pupils dilated, and a visible remnant of a rope imprinted on his now pale neck.

Renjun stumbled on the floor, releasing his probably the most shrilling cry that reverberates through the whole house. So it is not surprising echoes of several footsteps neared in, entering Jaemin’s room where the noise was heard.

“Hyung what ha-”

_“Oh my God.”_

Donghyuck sobbed after a small yelp escaped his lips, turning to Jeno who stood frozen by the doorway looking at the corpse on the bed. Jisung, and now the very wide awake Chenle, looks like they just saw a ghost for the first time.

Renjun... well, Renjun sat on the floor. His hiccups so loud and body obviously trembling.

Who wouldn’t be in this situation where they just found Jaemin dead in his room?

***

“Victim’s name: Na Jaemin, 21 years old. Cause of death: strangulation. Though he also suffered in a severe blood loss from the injury on his head. Looks like our killer knocked our victim out on the head with this vase before he strangled him to death,” Ten raised a sealed plastic bag that holds the collected pieces of the smashed vase.

Johnny looks up, tapping his pen on the small notebook on his hand. “ _Him_ huh? Seems to me you already had a possible suspect in mind.”

His assistant smiled in an all too saccharine sort, tapping Johnny’s chest with merriment. “Lucky for us this is no big and complicated case. Just an easy one, very average. With a secluded setting where the murder happened, a not-so-complex way of killing someone, and _five_ boys that is either a witness or a suspect, I believe we’ll solve this in a week’s time, partner.”

“Hah, is that so?”

“Totally. Apparently, our victim and the other five were close friends. Probably _not_ so close judging one of them might be our killer. But yeah, according to their testimonies this rest house belonged to Zhong Chenle’s parents. He’s that kid with orange hair. Huang Renjun, Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck, and Na Jaemin, are same-aged friends who just finished their degree in university. So the six of them decided to spend a week here, in courtesy of Chenle of course. Their goal is to celebrate and relax but obviously that didn’t go well as planned.”

“I see. You said the victim died from strangulation. Did the killer used his hands or what...?”

“Based on my personal observation, the killer used a rope. Very solid one if you asked me. The prints and marks are all over our guy’s neck. No wonder it killed him instantly. Suffering from a head injury while being smothered to death, the kid’s completely helpless and doomed to die,” Ten released a couple few of tsks while shaking a head.

“So where’s the rope?” Johnny asked.

“Oh, don’t you worry buddy. I asked the investigators to search thoroughly. Certainly, they’ll find our murder weapon now in 3, 2, 1...” Ten looked at his wristwatch and grinned, just the same time as one of the females in the investigation team called the two’s attention.

“Sir, we found the murder weapon! It’s a rope, nylon type. There’s a few of them inside the victim’s bag. But this one...” The staff showed Johnny a thick thread of knots in green color. “This one had proofs of the victim’s blood on them. If you looked closely, in comparison to the others, the material of this one’s quite ruined and stretched. Concluding the victim tried to latch it off his neck and fought back.”

Johnny nodded, holding and examining the object on his own. It’s true there is an undeniable amount of blood mixing with its green color. And the dents on the material itself is too obvious compared to the others which are as good as a brand new. “A’ight, go send this to our forensics team. See if the DNA matches to our victim’s.”

The girl is quick to bow and leave the two to complete her task. Johnny’s eyes fell to the couple of boys who still look just as shock as they were when they first arrived.

“On the other hand, I think it’s time we properly interrogate our potential suspects.”

***

“So, Huang Renjun. You’re the first one to discover the corpse, am I correct?”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“I hope you know that sometimes in the scene of a murder, it’s always the first one that is the most suspicious.”

“Are you _suspecting_ me as Jaemin’s killer?”

“No, no. Please that’s not what I was trying to say-”

“Well, it looks like it is to me. Do you even know how shitty I feel right now, Detective? This was supposed to be a happy day for all of us and yet... and yet I had to start it by seeing my boyfriend’s dead body! Do you know how that makes me feel? And now you’re questioning me as if I would kill my lover?!”

“So you’re Jaemin’s lover...”

“I am. And I would never do anything to hurt him. We love each other, he’s my life. If there’s someone you should suspect of killing Jaemin... there’s only one person you should be asking.”

***

“Let me guess, it’s Renjun. Renjun told you _I_ killed Jaemin, right?”

“Not exactly. He just told me that among the five of you, Jeno, _you’re_ the one who had the rockiest relationship with our victim.”

“Heh, rockiest huh? Look, Detective, I don’t know what Renjun told you. Jaemin and I might have some _disagreements_ from the past but we have come to terms with it. Yes, we’ve been together for three years, and I cheated on him back then. Yet it’s all in the past. He has his own partner now, I have my own relationship to take care of. We’re good.”

“Good, eh? You sure about that Lee Jeno?”

“What, you think I’m lying?”

“Frankly, yes. Threatening and _hurting_ the victim the same night before he died doesn’t sound like a good relationship to me.”

***

“Jeno only did it because of me.”

“What do you mean, Donghyuck-ssi?”

“I... I am the one Jeno cheated with behind Jaemin’s back two years ago. I know and I admit to my mistakes. But Jeno and I, we love each other. And a part of me wished that Jaemin would just accept that and move on.”

“But he didn’t?”

“Well, not totally. He said he had moved on, and that he forgave us. Forgave _me_. I was his best friend and every day I am drowning in my own guilt because of what I did. I tried to make amends with him, I honestly did. But Jaemin would never let me breathe. Any chance he got, he would mock me. Embarrass me, humiliate me. That night it just so happened that Jaemin crossed the line. Jeno got angry and accidentally slapped Jaemin on the face, maybe said a few words too that he _definitely doesn't mean_.”

“I see. So Jaemin never truly forgave you, that’s what you’re trying to say. And after all these things Jaemin did and said to you, can you attest that you never had the urge to, ya know, strangle him out of anger?”

“No! Jaemin’s my best friend. Even though everyone said otherwise, he is and always will be my best friend. That’s why I was trying my best to show him how sorry I am for betraying his trust! I’ve already hurt him enough in the past, I would never do such a thing to him now!”

***

“It’s true. Donghyuck hyung would always approach Jaemin hyung first. Would try to fix things with him. I must say, hyung is _very_ sincere when it comes to Jaemin hyung. He can’t commit this crime.”

“Then is there anyone in your mind whom you think can kill your friend, Chenle?”

“No one. None of us could’ve done this Officer. Despite all our complications, we decided to preserve our friendship. We treasure each other like a family. Instead of suspecting us, maybe you should start looking somewhere. Because I can assure you, we are no killers. Yes, we’re imperfect but we don’t murder our friends just because of stupid arguments!”

***

“Jaemin hyung takes care of us the most. Especially me, since I am the youngest. Up ‘til now I couldn’t sink the thought of his death in my mind.”

“Where were you last night, Jisung? Did you not hear anything suspicious at all?”

“Every room in the rest house is soundproof. I don’t think any of us would have possibly heard hyung’s screams for help.”

“Well then what were you doing the whole night then, Park Jisung?”

“What do you mean, I slept early. I’m in my room with Chenle. You can ask Chenle and he’ll say the same thing.”

“Hmm, at what time exactly did you sleep?”

“I don’t know, I headed to bed after we ate our dinner. Maybe before 8?”

“Funny. You slept before 8 and hadn’t woke up until 10 in the morning. You, for one, slept _reaaallly_ long kid.”

***

“We have a problem.”

Johnny massaged the bridge of his nose after hearing those words from Ten. He just knew this case is too easy to be true. He sighed in frustration, giving his partner a look. “What is it this time?”

Noticing his partner’s cranky attitude, the smaller frowned, “Looks like someone had a bad day. How’s the questioning with the kids?”

“Tell me what you got first.”

“Fine. I got a call from the lab regarding the traces of DNA on the rope. Good news is our victim's blood was confirmed. The one on the rope is his. Bad news- well, there are fingerprints on the rope, yes.”

“And? Isn’t that a good thing? What’s so bad about it?” Johnny asked in confusion.

“Yeah that... there are six sets of fingerprints in fact. That belongs to our victim and our five suspects.”

“Meaning they all, at some point, held the murder weapon,” the taller whispered.

Ten nibbled his bottom lip, unable to read his partner’s expression right now is giving him a wave of anxiety in his chest. “Well good news is that we’re still down with five suspects right? Yay, haha.”

‘ _Yeah,_ _ **yay**_ _,’_ Johnny thought.

So much for an _easy_ case.

“So, how bout those boys? Did you find anything?” Ten decided to change the topic.

Unfortunately, looks like he’s not the only one bearing a bad news. “Nah. They all had complicated relationships with the victim. And that's the thing. It's hard to pick our killer when all of them are a person of interest.”

“We can always go and check them out, right?”

“Of course. But I’m afraid this case will take down more than just a week before we caught the real murderer. Whoever he is, he’s a pretty damn good actor. This crime he orchestrated is almost perfect.”

“Almost?”

“Yeah. _Almost._ There’s always a hole, Ten. Always. We’ll find it soon. As for now, we could only be sure of one thing. Those boys, one of them killed Na Jaemin. No matter what they try to say, or how good they were playing these mind games, I can see right through them. Some of them are lying, if not, _all of them_.”

Ten took a deep breath, eyes watching the five boys sitting in the waiting room. “Five suspects. One murder. How hard could it be?”


	2. Chapter One: L’amant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun recalls the fights that ensued the night before Jaemin was killed.

“Dude, you look like shit. Ya really need to get some sleep before that case eats you,” Ten approached Johnny when he walks by the office the next morning and sees the other pretty much on the same condition he left him to last night. Eyes trained vigorously at the papers on his desk, while the whiteboard in front still had the same diagram they drew yesterday. The one associating the victim and their five suspects. Only Ten had noticed a new set of information was added under each name, presenting it as more complicated than it is before.

“Here, have some coffee first. I brought you your usual, dark espresso with absolutely no cream and sugar. _Your welcome_ ,” Ten said in advance as he knew there is no such thing as “Thank you” in his partner’s vocabulary. He gently placed the cup of coffee on the messy table.

Johnny simply groaned. In his direction, that’s his way of recognition for Ten’s _absolute kindness_. Though the man immediately took the cup and sipped its fill while his free hand took control of his laptop’s mouse.

“Any new leads?” Ten asked after settling his own thing and grabbing a chair to sit beside Johnny.

He wonders if Johnny can still see through his sticky note covered laptop screen.

“Pretty much still the same. I talked to our people in the forensics, Jaehyun said the estimated time of death is around 2:30 to 3:00 a.m.”

Ten tapped his chin in thought, “2:30 to 3:00 a.m. Yesterday we tried to look for any missing objects around the scene. But we found the victim’s wallet on his bag and his phone on the bed. No valuable things were stolen so it’s definitely not a case of robbery.”

“Which means,” Johnny turned to Ten. “Someone really did kill Na Jaemin. It’s still hard to say if it’s a planned murder or not. It’s either the killer really had the luck of fate in his hands, or he is wise enough to think this through. We know we can’t catch him just by simply checking the fingerprints on the murder weapon... Wait, how about the vase?”

“Oh, right! The vase! Oh my God, how could we forget the _other_ murder weapon?! Wait, lemme just make a very quick phone call to Sicheng...” Ten turned his back and distanced himself from Johnny, putting the phone on his ear. Johnny watched as Ten’s expression brighten up when the call connects. Then it’s just a few exchanges of Chinese words that follow after that Johnny couldn’t understand.

He desperately hopes there’s at least a mark that the killer left on the vase. If not, he’s really about to pop his head in distress.

When Ten returned, Johnny is quick to catch on his less enthusiastic expression this time.

“What is it?” he grimaced.

“There are no fingerprints on the vase that matches our five suspects. Except for Jaemin’s apparently, who presumably touched the object when he first saw it out of fascination. The vase is quite clean, according to Chenle’s statement yesterday he said no one ever really uses their rest house except on holidays. They had a caretaker, however, that his parents assigned to clean the property at least once or twice a week. Totally unrelated to the case but yeah, in short, that vase is completely useless.”

Johnny closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead due to an impending headache.

“You sure there really is no CCTV, any surveillance, inside the house? I mean come on, if they’re rich as hell they should’ve bothered putting up surveillance cameras! What if a burglar entered their house, they certainly couldn’t arrest him if they didn’t know what he looks like!” Johnny complained.

“Totally agree with you. But I guess they’re too rich to waste time looking for a burglar who’d steal some- _what-_ a piece of gold out of their hundreds?” Ten snorts.

“So in the end, we still got nothing,” the taller sighed.

“Of course not! We have our five suspects remember? Look, you told me yourself that they are suspicious. And at least now, with the time and the place of the murder, we are sure one of them did it. There is no sign of forced entry, right? Plus the door of our victim’s room was unlocked when they found his body. It only means one thing...”

“There’s a possibility Jaemin opened the door for our killer.”

“Bingo. Jaemin knows him and sees no reason not to let him in. If it was me and one of my friends is knocking on my door, of course, I’d open up.”

On the table were the pictures Johnny printed of the five kids and Jaemin, including a group photo the six of them had taken after graduation. It is obvious who the couples were by one glance. Each of them had a touchy and rather cheesy pose with their partners. Jaemin, in particular, had the biggest smile beside Renjun. He had an arm around the smaller’s waist and both of them held a peace sign on the camera. Johnny particularly set his eyes hard on the Chinese.

Renjun stated he is Jaemin’s lover. Proclaimed that he would never do anything to hurt him.

There’s a sense in the way Renjun said those words that unsettles Johnny. Could it be the reason how it came out too defensive from Renjun’s mouth? Or how Renjun looked away from Johnny’s eyes when he spoke it? Johnny is not certain, but he liked to trust his instincts. After all, it is his gut feels that got him from where he is now.

Now his mind tells him Renjun is _not_ the most loving partner as he claimed to be. He wonders how his relationship with Jaemin truly is behind this charming photograph.

“Hey, Ten...” Johnny called for his partner.

“What?”

“How would you feel if your partner is still friends with his ex-boyfriend?”

“Uh...” Ten looked up, thinking. “I don’t know? Maybe it depends on how they treat each other? As long as my partner has already moved on, then we’re all good.”

Johnny smirks. “But what if he hasn’t?”

“You mean, my partner hasn’t moved on yet from his ex?”

“Something like that. What if he still harbors hatred and bitterness over the boy he used to love for so many years and his new lover- which is also the same person he cheated with behind your back.”

“What? That’s horrible. It’s natural to still feel bitter about it though. If that were me, I’d surely kick my ex-boyfriend’s ass and slap his new lover straight on the face. Judging my partner hasn’t forgiven them yet. But in time, I hope he’d get to it especially if he already had me. I’d much appreciate it if he wouldn’t dwindle on the past but rather focus on our relationship. Trust me, showing to your new lover that your former lover still affects you? _Not a good idea._ ”

“Hmm... I see.” Johnny stares at Renjun’s solo picture on the table. “Of course, you’d be insecure. Of yourself, of your relationship. You’d start to question your worth as his new lover. That insecurity, like a growing plant, could quickly bloom into a full-on hatred and rage if daily fed by triggers and provocations from the person you love the most.”

Ten observed as a smile crack on Johnny’s lips. The same smile that would only appear if Johnny had figured out something in his cases. “This is not just a question out of interest to me, is it?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow to what he said. Ten blushed and gazed away. The taller cleared his throat and finished his coffee before shooting the cup at the trash bin beside Ten.

“Anyway, I think it’s time we pay our lover boy a visit.” He turned off his laptop and simply stacked the papers in one folder, putting it away on the side along with the other piles from his previous cases. He got up and swung on his sweater before looking through his phone to check the rest house’s address where he hoped Renjun’s still in. Just in case he is not, he made sure to send Jungwoo a text message asking for Renjun’s home address back in the city.

“Wait, are you sure you’ll go in that state?” Ten pointed at his obviously restless and sleepless face.

“You comin’ or nah?” Johnny asked instead because he had no time for Ten’s antics and worries.

The smaller rolled his eyes and got up, grabbing his car keys on his table. “Only if we use our car and you let me drive. I’m not going to die just because you’re too obsessed studying someone’s death.”

Without any options, as Ten already turned his back and walked out on him, Johnny followed behind. Talking to Renjun is his first priority right now.

He needs to properly question him this time. Got to know where he is the time Jaemin died. If Jaemin still hasn’t forgiven Jeno and Donghyuck from the past, there’s a possibility some feelings are still involved somehow. If Renjun thinks the same, it could be a plausible motive to commit this murder.

***

It was Park Jisung who opened the door for them when they rang the bell. Surprise and confusion filled the younger’s face upon seeing the two detectives outside the front gates.

Johnny didn’t bother to fake a smile and went on straight to the point. “Good morning. Sorry for the disturbance but if you could just let us come in and spare us some of your time. We’re here for Huang Renjun,” the taller male started.

“R-Renjun hyung? I-Is this still about Jaemin hyung’s case?” Jisung asked, voice attentive but no one can overlook the nervousness beneath it.

He was about to answer when Ten beat him to it. Ten, who is way lot friendlier than he. Ten, who can handle conversations like this ten times better than a hot-headed and sleep-deprived Johnny. “Yes! Well, we just wanted to ask him a few questions regarding your friend’s death. Anything that could help us find the culprit.”

“Wait... we already told you everything we know. Why are you still bothering us?”

Johnny cannot help his tongue this time, “Because! Because the five of you are the only witness for God’s sake! You all share the same roof when the murder happened. So I’m sorry kid if we are such a “bother” but you gotta get used to seeing these faces for the following days and weeks. Unless, of course, we close the case after catching your friend's killer."

Ten tapped Johnny’s shoulder from beside and released an awkward chuckle to a frowning Jisung. “Geez, Johnny, you don’t have to scare the kid like that. Look Jisung, right? Jisung... we mean no harm. We just wanted to find the murderer and make him... err, or _her_ pay for what he or she did. I’m sure we all want the same thing. That is to bring justice to your friend’s death.”

“Yeah. It’s just some simple questions that Renjun needs to answer to help give a clearer perspective on this case. It wouldn’t be so hard especially if he has nothing to hide, right?” Johnny stares right through Jisung’s eyes.

The two shared a staring contest for a couple of minutes, neither backing down. Johnny had to admit, the kid’s got a lotta nerve meeting his eyes with just the same intensity as his. In the end, Jisung crossed his arms. “Why not ask me then? I am here. I can also give you the answers to your questions.”

Johnny smirked. “Oh, kid. You’ll get your turn don’t worry. As for now, we need Renjun.”

“Jisung! Who’s it? You’ve been taking so long out here- Oh. detectives, you’re here,” Renjun popped from behind Jisung, coming out from the huge oak doors that lead inside the rest house.

“Glad you’re here, Renjun. We’re just talking to your friend here,” Johnny smiled meaningfully as he studied Renjun’s expression.

But as quick as the shock of their sudden visit morphed into Renjun’s face, it is as quick as it goes away. If anything Renjun looks calm, unlike Jisung who is eying them in wary since they arrived.

Ten again, butted in the conversation with his friendlier smile and warm greetings. “Good morning! So sorry for the sudden visit. We should’ve called earlier.”

“Oh, it’s- it’s okay. We’re all up- I mean.” Renjun closed his eyes, the tiredness and the dark bags under it were visible in the beaming sunlight. “Not like we could sleep after everything. You said you were looking for me?”

“Yeah. We just need to ask you a few more additional questions regarding the night your boyfriend Jaemin was killed.”

Renjun nodded. “Okay. Come in, please. I was expecting your next visit anyway.”

At Renjun’s answer, Johnny’s ears perked up. “Really?”

The younger Chinese offered the detective a forced smile. “I heard from the other police officers yesterday before we leave the situation that you still can’t identify Jaemin’s killer. And I’m willing to help. I know as well that you were suspecting me and my friends. Other than helping, I wanted to prove my innocence over the things you were probably thinking about me.”

“But hyung-”

Jisung was silenced by a firm look from Renjun. At the younger’s kicked puppy look, the older sighed, flashing a soft smile to his friend. “It’s okay Jisung-ah. It’s bound to happen anyway. If you could just please lock the gates?”

So of course, the younger had no other choice but to follow his hyung’s requests. Trumping over the gates and locking it in a loud smash. Ten and Johnny followed the Chinese inside the huge house.

From the luxurious-looking jar displayed nearby the entrance to the interior design of the living room, to the number of paintings hanging on the wall, and the chandeliers over their heads- it is no wonder the family owning such property is truly wealthy. Johnny did his research about Zhong Chenle’s background the whole evening and found out just how rich their family is. The kid’s father was a Chinese owner of the largest law firm in China, his mother was a successful businesswoman who was once a model but is now the CEO of her clothing line company. Wouldn't be a surprise if the kid was spoiled his entire life.

Johnny only hopes they would not try to use their connections just to get their way out of this. He completely understands how unfair the world they were living in but he for once, vowed when he started his job that he will only stick to the truth and only the truth. So even if Zhong Chenle turns out to be their killer, no money or amount of gold could twist Johnny’s beliefs and principles.

They passed by Jeno, Donghyuck, and Chenle, who all eyed the two detectives. Johnny felt their gazes following them even as Renjun led them in a room. It was a medium-sized room covered with white walls. With the broad table in the middle, it looks more of an office really.

Renjun offered them a seat on a couch. “Sorry, this is the only place we could talk in private. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, it’s totally okay!” Ten nods, smiling towards Renjun.

“Great. So can I get you two anything? Coffee? Tea? Juice? Cake?”

“No need for that. We already had a coffee before coming here,” Johnny cuts off Ten from answering, and responded on his stead. At the corner of his eyes, he saw the smaller pouting. Probably because he lost his chance of eating a cake. God knows how Ten loves cakes.

Sitting in front of the two, Renjun nervously places his palms on his lap. Jutting his lips a little, he asked, “Is there something wrong about Jaemin’s case, detective?”

“I am not going to sugar coat my words anymore, Renjun-ssi. And get straight to the point. Right now, you five are our likely suspects. No matter how we tried to look at it, if we add the evidence together, it all points back to the five of you. There is no sign of robbery or forced entry at all. Jaemin’s door is unlocked, as you said so yourself when you first found him. None of his things were missing. Only means one thing, don’t you think? His killer lives under the same roof.”

Ten laughed tensely again. The smaller cannot help but agonize over Johnny’s choice of words, as dealing with a lot of potential suspects from the past made him learned a lot. They all share an identical pattern of behaviors. They’d be very defensive, and _angry_ , and hostile. Oh God, it’s a nightmare Ten do not ever wanna relinquish again. One wrong word and the table could obviously turn against them and before they knew it... they’d end up with _nothing_ , zero information- in their hands. All because Johnny used the erroneous method and the witness is too stubborn and prideful to help.

“No, Renjun-ah! It’s nothing like that! See we are just simply hoping if you could give us a few more information maybe? Anything that could help us solve the case? Did you guys had a visitor that night?” Ten tried his best to save the situation. It earned him a look of disapproval from Johnny but he couldn’t care less.

“Not that I know of, we have none. It’s really just... the six of us here since the other day,” Renjun’s voice was soft, mellow, and sad when he spoke. For a split second, Ten had almost forgotten that this is still Jaemin’s lover they were questioning. Out of five possibilities that Renjun is their guy, there’s also a chance that he is simply someone who had just lost his lover yesterday. Someone who couldn’t even properly grieve and yet here they are, already questioning him if he _is_ the killer.

Ten suddenly had the urge to hold Renjun’s hand on his lap. He looks so down right now. He couldn’t imagine the pain he is in.

“So there’s only the six of you here the whole day? Can you tell me everything you did through the entire time the night before Jaemin died?” Johnny asked, opening his notebook and ready to write any important things he could receive from Renjun.

“We haven’t really done much lately. We woke up late since we stayed up all night on our first night here. Jaemin did his usual things, cooking for us. Donghyuck and Jeno went out in the afternoon to buy the things needed for our intended barbecue party that was supposed to happen last night. Jisung and Chenle stayed in the living room, playing video games.”

“What about you and Jaemin?”

“Well, I like sleeping a lot so I mostly slept through the whole afternoon. As for Jaemin, he’s probably setting our things in the room, maybe watching over Jisung and Chenle too to make sure they won’t do any trouble? That’s just his thing.”

“You know Jaemin was killed and his murderer used a rope. We found a few sets of rope along with the same rope used to choke your boyfriend in Jaemin’s bag. Apparently, the only fingerprints found there was yours, Jaemin, and the other four. As for the vase that the killer used to knock Jaemin on the head, no traces of fingerprints were found on any of its broken pieces.”

Renjun gasped, hands clamping his mouth as his adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. His eyes glassy when he met Johnny’s and Ten’s gazes. “So it’s true then? One of us killed J-Jaemin?”

“Or... not.” Johnny gave Ten a what-the-fuck-are-you-saying look. But the smaller ignored it and continued. “Remember there are no fingerprint traces found in the vase either. So it could be our killer used some gloves that’s why there’s no other DNA found on the rope except for the six of you’s.”

“But still... you both said there is no sign of forced entry. This is not a robbery or a case of a serial killer breaking in who randomly decided they wanna kill for fun that night. Not like Jaemin will be stupid enough to open the door to someone he doesn’t know. He would have called. He has his phone with him. Jaemin would not let himself be killed by a stranger,” Renjun’s voice faltered, breaking in the middle as tears flow down from his eyes.

Johnny looked away while Ten sighed. Still, he cannot find it in him to have the heart to confirm everything Renjun says. He already lost a lover, knowing that one of your friends potentially did it is another level of pain and betrayal.

“Did Jaemin usually lock his door, Renjun?” Ten asked instead.

The boy nodded, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. “Jaemin always locks his door before going to bed. Or just simply anytime that he is hanging out in his room. He would _always_ lock the door. He hates it when someone invades his personal space without knocking.”

“So why was Jaemin’s door unlocked?” Johnny chimed in wonder.

“I have no idea.” Renjun shakes his head helplessly. “It’s the first thing that I also found suspicious as well when I knocked on his door. It was unlocked. Do you think Jaemin opened the door for his killer?”

Instead of answering, Johnny on the other hand, only had one question running in his mind the whole time since that morning. No, _since yesterday_. And he craves for answers. He needs to be fed by it.

“I was just wondering, Renjun, why were you and Jaemin in a separate room that night? If I remember correctly, the room arrangements were... Jeno and Donghyuck, and Jisung and Chenle. Jeno and Donghyuck were a couple, of course, it’s natural they share a room. Jisung and Chenle, according to you guys, are simply best friends. However, they were the ones sharing a bed space instead of you and Jaemin. It just got me thinking.” Johnny calmly observed Renjun’s face while speaking. Though he found no trace of anything, not even a lip bite or a nervous rolling of his eyes. He still thinks Renjun is doubtfully cool.

“The thing is... we...” Renjun closed his eyes, sighing. He balled his fists on his lap as if contemplating whether it’s safe to answer that question or not. In the end, he gave up with a sigh. “That evening... Jaemin and I, we- we had an argument.”

“And you didn’t tell us why?”

“Because I already had a lot in my mind, detective! I didn’t get enough time to cry my balls out or get angry. I was wallowing in my own pain, guilt, because of Jaemin’s death! What do you want me to do, suddenly be chatty and narrate everything that happened before Jaemin died like some sort of interesting fairytale I’d tell my kids?! I was not even able to start my process of grieving! And you’re already questioning me if I killed Jaemin.” Renjun sighed, tears were once again pooling at the rims of his eyes. He clutches his head. Finger curling and uncurling before meeting the detectives’ eyes. “Look, I did not mean to hide this okay? I was going to tell you.”

“Tell us, then. What did you and Jaemin fight about? What happened that evening before Jaemin died?” Call him cold and heartless but Johnny only wanted to get to the bottom of this. It’s not that he doesn’t care about Renjun’s feelings. It’s more of he’d rather solve the case for everyone’s sake too. At least if they found out the culprit's identity, they could finally mourn Jaemin’s death properly and _safely_. Who knows if their murderer was on to something again? They need to catch him fast and immediately, feelings be damned.

Renjun took a deep breath, swallowing hard and nodding in understanding.

“Okay. I’ll tell you everything that I know the night before my boyfriend was killed.”

***

“ _Ha! Game over! I own this land now!” Jaemin squealed in victory after winning against Chenle on their first round of monopoly. The older did a mini celebratory hurrah, feeling the game up even further considering his nice start. Chenle, on the other hand, snorted while he watched his Jaemin hyung covet his land. While the rest simply shake their heads, knowing how competitive Jaemin could get over things like this._

_Renjun, who was in the corner preparing his dice, sighed in defeat. He’s not really into such games. Scrabble is the only board game he likes but since Jaemin would not stop whining and pestering him over joining, the male had no other choice but to agree over his lover’s request. Ever since they started the game Renjun had no passion for winning. Unlike Jaemin, he is willing to voluntarily lose so the latter could win._

_It was a simple game. Something the group came up with before their dinner arrived. In the first half of the game, Renjun admits he is enjoying it. No wonder Jaemin and even Jisung loves the board game so much._

_Until of course, Donghyuck began turning the tables and started to win in the last round. And Jaemin- well, Renjun noticed all too well how his boyfriend’s demeanor darkened, mood shifting into a complete 360 from when they first started. He did not feel good about it and by the looks Chenle and Jisung threw at him, he knew he was not the only one who sensed the dropping atmosphere around._

_So when Jaemin completely lost it, Renjun couldn’t say he didn’t see it coming._

_His gaze maneuvered over Donghyuck. The completely innocent, naive, and clueless guy who is simply purely delighted over his wins. He managed to buy one of Jaemin’s cities, leaving the two tied on the game. With a hum and a wide grin, Donghyuck bobs his head in success._

“ _Wow, you’re quite good at this Donghyuck. As usual, you surprised me,” Jaemin commented with a sweet saccharine smile. One that is far from sincere._

_But surely, Donghyuck doesn’t know that. For him, it was a good thing that his best friend finally acknowledged him again. Completely unaware of the way Jaemin clutched his fists on the side._

“ _Oh, uh thanks. Just my luck, I guess,” Donghyuck smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head._

_Jaemin nods. “Ahh, **how lucky you are**. Sometimes I just wonder how you do that. Staring the game and posing as if you were never a threat. But in the end, you just end up winning. I must commend you on that. Must be hard to pretend like you were never a foe.”_

_Silence filled the air as Jaemin chuckled, rolling the dice on the floor. Renjun sometimes wished he could put a hand over his idiot of a boyfriend’s mouth. Just because Jaemin **really** knows how to make the mood sink and how to build tension as heavy as a metal with his words. In other cases, maybe he would have just preferred to leave this place just to escape the rising argument that was about to begin again in 3, 2, 1... _

“ _What the fuck was that?!” It’s Jeno. It’’s **always** Jeno who would react first whilst Donghyuck kept his mouth shut in the corner. _

_Jaemin shrugged, flashing another one of his charming yet too fake smiles. “Oh, nothing. Just saying how Donghyuck always managed to catch me off guard. Yet again, it’s my fault too for trusting an enemy. After all, Donghyuck is just **very good** at stealing things that don’t belong to him.” He emphasized his last sentence with a glare directed at the all-too silent Donghyuck._

“ _You know Jaemin sometimes I wonder if being a bitch is your part-time job,” Jeno spits in anger._

_Only to be laughed at by Jaemin himself. “Wait, just to be clear, we’re still talking about the game here, right? Unless, of course, you give other meanings to my words. Which I guess is just a sickness of guilty people. Not my fault if you see it that way though,” Jaemin smirks with a shrug._

_Renjun decided to step in when he saw Jeno gritting his teeth, eyes throwing daggers at Jaemin. “Okay, that’s enough monopoly for tonight. We should prepare the dinner table. Chenle, clean this mess, will you? Jisung, help me prepare the table. And you’ll come with us too, Jaemin.” Renjun stands up from his Indian seat position on the floor._

_Jaemin pouts. “Aww, but we were just about to finish. Don’t be such a killjoy now, Injunnie.”_

_Renjun gave Jaemin a meaningful glare as he repeats himself, strongly this time “Let’s prepare for dinner, Jaemin.”_

“ _Hmph, fine. Just when I am enjoying the game,” Jaemin stands up. Maybe it was Renjun’s mistake that he forgot how Jaemin **never** gives up something without performing his bidding at the end. No matter how petty his choice of move is, it’s fine as long as Jaemin gets to have the last laugh._

_So Jaemin threw the dice quite hard. The small yet hard object bouncing once or twice on the floor before it hits Donghyuck straight on the eye. The tan male groaned in pain, hand covering his right eye who suffered from the sting of the hit. Jaemin gasps, pretending to be concerned and shocked, a palm hovering over his mouth while he watched Jeno assists on his boyfriend._

“ _Oh my God, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Jaemin said._

_Renjun rubbed his temple. He knew Jaemin likes to berate Donghyuck any chance he got, which is basically every time they meet eye to eye. But this is the first time he did something to physically harm the other. So maybe he should have seen it coming too. The deadly glare that Jeno gave Jaemin, the shouts, and screams that follow, perhaps even the loud slap Jaemin has taken from Jeno._

_"You are taking things way too far now, Jaemin! I will not just sit silently and watch you bully my boyfriend!” It was the first time Jeno spoke with so much anger. The roughness and the deep booming of his voice can easily overpower any amount of roaring thunder. Jaemin, too, was taken aback as he stared at Jeno in fear, holding his reddening cheek. Jisung and Chenle gasped, while Donghyuck tries to pull Jeno away._

_Instead of giving up, Jaemin decided to continue his taunting despite his numbing cheek. “Oh, **how sweet**. Prince Jeno to the rescue. Bravo! I would have given you the best boyfriend award only that you never did the same thing for me before. Remember, Jeno? When I was being bullied back in high school by the seniors and yet you just stood by and let it happen? You act so mighty now when you are nothing but a cheating, worthless lover to me!"_

“ _I will fucking kill you!” The next thing Renjun sees is Jisung and Chenle trying to pull Jeno away from a coughing Jaemin. Donghyuck, who was also hugging Jeno from his back, half crying and half pleasing for Jeno to stop._

_When Renjun couldn’t take any more of Jaemin’s choking, nor the noises and random curses that leave out of everybody’s lips, he shouted. “CAN’T YOU ALL FUCKING STOP?!”_

_Everyone turned to him. No one dared to say anything but Jeno, who still had a palm wrapped around his lover’s neck. It completely enrages Renjun, especially the sight of Jaemin's tear-stained cheeks._

“ _Stay away from this, Renjun. I just need to teach your boyfriend here a fucking lesson," Jeno growled._

_"I would. If you remove your hands off my boyfriend’s neck,” Renjun said in a voice that is just as threatening, if not even, even more._

_The two glower at each other, both telepathically exchanging words of what will happen if neither gave this up. In the end, Renjun won as Jeno released Jaemin from his chokehold. Jaemin immediately snuggling on Renjun’s side, body trembling and breath shaky._

“ _Next time, be careful of those hands Jeno. You might kill someone with it,” Renjun stated._

_Jeno smirked, curling his fingers as he gave Jaemin an eye. “Next time, teach your boyfriend when to shut his mouth. He might get killed because of it one day.”_

“ _Oh, I will, don’t worry.”_

_The two only broke out of their silent war when the doorbell rang. Jisung, Chenle, and Donghyuck had obviously released a sigh of relief upon the arrival of their food. "I’ll get it!” Jisung volunteered, running outside to open the gate for the delivery guy._

_After another tense minute, Jeno was finally pulled away by Donghyuck. Chenle helped Jisung prepare their dinner. While Renjun and Jaemin..._

_Jaemin tried to hold Renjun’s hand, eyes pleading. “Renjun-ah...”_

_He simply swatted the other’s hand off him. “We’ll talk later,” was his cold reply before heading to the kitchen to follow Jisung and Chenle._

_It’s safe to say their dinner that evening matches the coldness of the night air._

_Jaemin waited for Renjun even as others had left the dining table. Renjun volunteered to wash the dishes and Jaemin simply watched him from his seat. Once the other finished, Jaemin bites his lower lip and cleared his throat._

“ _Renjun-ah, can we talk now please?” Jaemin said in almost a whimper that Renjun was near to giving in and suggesting to skip “the talk” so they could just cuddle on their bed instead._

_But the urge to talk it out with Jaemin easily won, giving Jaemin a single nod once he occupied the seat across the taller._

“ _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I just couldn’t help it. Every time I look at Donghyuck, all the things he did to me would just come flooding back. I’m sorry, I hate this too!” Jaemin began, allowing the fresh tears he’d been trying to hold back through the entire course of dinner to escape his eyes this time._

“ _Jaemin, are you still affected by Jeno and Donghyuck?” Renjun is very much aware of how he sounded so cold and so distant when he asked those questions that are bugging his mind the whole night._

“ _Wha- No! Well, maybe. Yes. But only because I hated them. And I feel so unfair. Trust me, I don’t want this either. However, whenever I see them together, memories of their betrayal would just hit me straight on the core. I feel shitty, Renjun-ah. I feel so... so worthless.”_

_Renjun gets it, he truly did. For three years, Jaemin believed Jeno. He only wholeheartedly loved him. He understands that Jeno is Jaemin’s first love, first everything. After all, you can never truly move on from a first love. He, more than anyone, knows that. And Donghyuck has been his best friend. Still, it’s a little infuriating. The way Jaemin sometimes talks and acts as if he hasn’t really moved on yet from his relationship with Jeno. The way he just doesn’t, **couldn’t** , let go. Chenle once told Renjun that Jaemin was willing to forgive Jeno back then, more than willing to start again if only Jeno had ever said his apologies. They only break it up because Jeno, apparently, chose Donghyuck over Jaemin._

_A part of Renjun feels worthless too, maybe a little insecure, with the thought that he wouldn’t even be Jaemin’s choice if Jeno had chosen Jaemin. Perhaps that’s what makes him angry too, about this whole fiasco._

“ _It’s been what Jaemin, one- two years since you end things? You told me yourself you’re over it. You told me you forgave Donghyuck.”_

_"Which I did!”_

“ _Well then act like it! Because if this is your definition of moving on and forgiving then it’s really shitty Jaemin!” Renjun can’t help but raise his voice as well. Jaemin can be really unreasonable as he is prideful when it comes to arguments._

_"You have no idea what I’m feeling every time I see those two laughing and acting as if they never broke my heart.”_

“ _Yes, I have. Jisung knows too. Even Chenle! And Jeno, and Donghyuck of fucking course! You know why? Because every damn time you announce it to the world! I get it, you’re the victim here! That doesn’t give you the right to bully them especially if they did nothing but to make it up to you all this time! If you are too broken-hearted, why proclaim that you forgave them?! Why invite them here in the first place?! Tell me, Jaemin, because none of us understands! If you are still too damn bitter about it, at least be honest with me and stop lying to my face!”_

_There. Renjun said it. After all these months, the words that he kept inside was finally out of the leash. As expected, Jaemin isn’t prepared for that. He never was. Renjun refused to look on his lover’s shaking shoulders or his glassy eyes. If he could he’d even cover his ears to block the sound of sobs coming out from Jaemin’s mouth. He hated how the less heavy feeling in his chest could result in an added weight to his lover’s. Jaemin just had that power over him. Makes him feel guilty every time._

_But not this time. Renjun needs to stand firm on his ground._

“ _Wh-Why are y-you t-too? Y-You’re choosing D-Donghyuck’s side over m-me. What’s with Donghyuck that e-everyone is just b-beguiled by him? What does he have that I don’t?!”_

‘ _ **Of fucking course.’** This is how Jaemin would perceive the situation. In the end, everything is still always about him. _

_Silence occupied the two. Except for the occasional sniffles coming from Jaemin. Renjun clasped his hands together on the table and sighed._

_"Do you love me, Jaemin?” he asked in a silent voice._

“ _What? Of course, I do.”_

_Renjun gave out a sad smile. “How about Jeno? Do you still love him?”_

_Jaemin answered just as quick, in a clear voice, with no traces of hesitation or whatever. “I don’t. He's just my ex. He cheated on me."_

“ _I wonder when you’ll answer my question without those sentences following after. To be honest with you, it sounds like a cheap reasoning to me, Jaemin.”_

_Renjun has never been the jealous lover. He always makes sure he understands the situation before acting on irrational thoughts and feelings. Unlike Jaemin, Renjun prefers to be dependent on logic. Not only was it Jaemin that is surprised. Renjun, too, was surprised by how he acted. Maybe this is what he wanted all along._

_"I’ll give you the whole night to think about it Jaemin. I’ll talk to Jisung or Chenle and ask them to change rooms with me for tonight. You can have the room for yourself. Goodnight, Jaemin.”_

_And Renjun left. Ignoring Jaemin’s calls and how the younger pleaded to stay with him for the night. Renjun is too tired, the day has been a long one. He doesn’t want to fool himself anymore and forgave Jaemin just because he can't take the sight of the other crying. He can’t give a half-hearted forgiveness this time. Maybe tomorrow, but not tonight._

_Thankfully, Jisung and Chenle agreed they share a room even just for that night so Renjun could use what was supposed to be Jisung’s room for himself. Jaemin tried calling him a lot of times on his phone, but Renjun ignored._

“That, so far, was my biggest regret.” Ten saw the tears on Renjun’s eyes upon recalling his last conversation with the younger. “If only I had known, I should have answered those calls. I should have forgiven him. I shouldn’t have allowed my stupid jealous to get in the way of our relationship. Maybe if I was there, Jaemin wouldn’t have died.”

Johnny awkwardly pushed a box of tissue over Renjun, who plucked out some while full-on crying. Ten had closed his eyes, biting his lips as he looked away. It truly is a regret that Renjun had to live for his entire life now.

See, that’s one of the scariest things in life. You have no idea when is our lasts. The first times are always easy to determine, sometimes you can even choose it. But the lasts? It is always, _always_ , a mystery. It is over and you don’t even realize.

“Kid, I don’t know much about you or Jaemin, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure Jaemin would want that too. He wouldn’t like it if you filled your life with what-ifs. Not when life is so short,” Ten sought to say, if only to ease a bit of Renjun’s ache.

Renjun smiles, fishing out the phone from his pockets before tapping on it for a little while. He slides in the phone in front of us, showing his screen that displays his message exchange with Jaemin.

Johnny picks it in curiosity while I peek at his side.

The inbox shows a series of messages from Jaemin that night. All of them say the same thing. It’s either Jaemin is apologizing, pleading Renjun to answer his calls, or pleading him to go back to their room. The very last message is at 12:30. Where Jaemin simply says a _Goodnight_ with a sad emoji.

Ten and Johnny already knew that. They had looked over Jaemin’s phone yesterday and even requested the transcript records of his calls. Still, nothing’s wrong on being sure.

“Is this all? Did he not send you a message or tried to call you around 2:30 to 3:00?” Johnny asked.

Renjun shakes his head no. “And even if he did, I might not be able to answer. I already slept before 11 and I left my phone on silent. I wouldn’t have heard it.”

Johnny nodded. “I see.” He pushed the cellphone back to Renjun. That wraps up their questioning for the day. Nothing much they learned except for the complicated love affairs the victim had. Oh well, at least it’s pretty clear who they should invite for questioning next.

“Detective...”

Both detectives faced Renjun, who is now hanging his head low.

“Do you really think one of us did it? That one of us could really kill Jaemin?”

Johnny didn’t answer for a while, and so was Ten. But as for now, this is the closest possible truth they have. “Yes,” Johnny said.

Renjun nodded in defeat, there’s a visible pain swimming underneath his gaze. “Please catch him. I’m willing to give you any kind of help and information you needed just to see Jaemin’s murderer rotting behind bars. That’s... That’s the only thing I could of to atone to killing my boyfriend.”

“What do you mean, Renjun?” Ten questioned, not getting what Renjun was trying to say in his last sentence.

He received a sad smile from the younger. “I think I know why Jaemin’s door was unlocked that night, detective. It’s not because he opened it for his killer. It’s because he was waiting for me to come in. Jaemin _always_ waits for me. Yet his murderer took it as a chance to sneak in. Therefore I... I killed Jaemin too. I was the reason Jaemin left his door open.”

Ten looked away. No, he can’t. No matter how tough being a detective has shaped him to be, his heart always breaks every time these people blame themselves for the untimely and unfortunate deaths of their loved ones.

***

After the two detectives left, the five boys settled in the living room. A thick tension shared in the air. Ever since Jaemin’s death, they haven’t properly talked over everything in general. All of them were busy on their own. Some for calling and telling Jaemin’s parents and other close friends, some for grieving. Even at breakfast, they had not met eye to eye, thus allowing the silence to wander off too far.

Jeno was the first to break it.

“What do they want?” his voice was a little groggy, a bit strained like he is hesitant to ask the dreaded question.

Renjun looked at him from across his seat. “They asked me what happened the night before Jaemin died.”

“And you said?”

Something in Jeno’s voice ticks Renjun off. Perhaps it’s his accusing tone, or the glare he threw at him. Maybe it’s the way he delivered those three words as if he was challenging Renjun to say the truth. All in all, it irritates him.

“Well, what do you think I said? The damn truth, of course!”

“The damn truth or _your_ version of truth? Let me guess, in your story, I am the bad guy.”

“It’s not my fucking fault you act like one.”

Jeno glares, fists balled tightly. The boy had always been impulsive, impudent. Acting based on his emotions rather than logic. Which is funny because at first glance everyone would think Jeno is the calmest just for the reason that he’s the quiet kind. Everyone outside their circle believed he used his head more than anyone in their group when in reality, no rationality can break Jeno down when overwhelmed by anger and feelings. That’s just how he is.

“You know, I don’t know what’s your problem with me but I’m sorry if your boyfriend cannot move on from me. So sorry that you failed to protect him because you’re so caught up dealing with your insecurities and jealousy that night!”

“HYUNG!”

“JENO!”

Jisung and Donghyuck both shouted in unison. Jisung getting in between the two, ready to stop the impending the fight stirred by Jeno’s words. While Donghyuck gripped his boyfriend’s shoulder, ready to pull back the boy any minute now. But neither Jeno nor Renjun moved. Jeno himself has automatically shut his mouth after speaking those words to Renjun’s face. As for the latter, he looked utterly shock. Mouth opening and closing, but no words ever came out.

Jeno had obviously hit the spot.

A flash of regret engraved on Jeno’s face. Even he is surprised by his choice of words and decided to be silent for the next few minutes, waiting for Renjun to say anything. Renjun only succeeded to croak out his sentences after a whole minute of total silence.

“You’re right. It’s my fault. I was too busy thinking about how to compete with you and your three years relationship with Jaemin that night. If I hadn’t left him alone in his room, he wouldn’t have died.”

Jisung threw his hyung a look of sympathy. “Hyung...”

“It’s okay, Sung-ah. It’s the truth anyway. I might as well be considered as Jaemin’s killer too. Other than his actual killer in this house, of course.”

“What do you mean?” Chenle asked as he couldn’t quite understand Renjun’s last words.

Renjun gave them all a look, a smirk now gracing his lips. “Wanna know what those two detectives told me apart from their endless questions? Here is it: One of us killed Jaemin.”

“What? B-But that’s... impossible. We wouldn’t... dare... right?” Donghyuck’s eyes met with everyone’s, maybe to look for an answer that he will never find. At least, not yet.

For everyone has the same look in their eyes. Surprise, fear, and _false_ sincerity.

Grinning, Renjun stands up from his seat. “The eyes... they never always tell the truth, Hyuck. Don’t even bother.”

The room was once again wrapped in silence. Nothing but the faint beating of their heart and the little sound of the clock ticking from the walls were audible. Suddenly, the five boys who considered each other a family now looks at one another attentively. It feels like they were all on guard, no one’s willing to give up their shields in fear of a knife plunging behind their backs.

‘ _So... this is how it feels.’_ Renjun scoffs. “Whoever killed Jaemin better be careful. Do not ever let your guard down. If I ever caught you, you better hope I will not strangle you myself with my own hands.”

“Hey hey, hyung, are you serious? Are we really gonna doubt each other now?”

“Jisung’s right, hyung. Shouldn’t we at least stick with one another? Do you really believe one of us here kills Jaemin hyung?” Chenle said in disbelief.

Nobody wants to believe it. After all, they’ve been friends for a long time. Some of them have been stuck in each other's hips since diapers. Who in their right mind would suspect their best friend as a murderer? At the same time, the evidence is also pretty clear. One of them killed Jaemin in this house.

It’s a tough decision, a choice that would leave everyone in torn between the timeless friendship and reality. The five of them could memorize and speak all those bullshit friendship quotations they’d found on the internet, but their eyes and actions say something. Truth is, their friendship is only defined by the time they spent together. Not of the times they stick with each other.

If anything, they’re just as worst as a stranger.

“I don’t know. But those two detectives said they’ll be back. Any one of us can be called again for questioning. So I’m telling this beforehand,” Renjun sighed. “I _really_ want to believe that none of us is capable of doing it. To prove our innocence, we just had to comply with whatever it is they want. This is for Jaemin. We still need to acquire justice for Jaemin,” he said in finality, voice cracking a bit in the end.

The other four nodded, understanding the situation better now. It is far worst than they expected of course, given that in the eyes of the police (and maybe each other), they’re their friend’s possible murderer.

“I, uh, gotta go. I need some time alone. You guys go eat lunch without me, I’m fine,” Renjun excused himself, turning to leave for his room.

“But hyung, you shouldn’t skip lunch. I’ll call you once the food is ready,” Jisung argues.

“No need, Sung-ah. It wouldn’t hurt to skip a lunch or two in this situation, right?” He flashed the younger a forced smile. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I just have to gather my thoughts. I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”

Sighing, Jisung lets the older go. Realizing he can never change Renjun’s mind once he made up his head into something. The two youngest shared a look. Even Chenle shrugged and move his head no, silently telling Jisung to simply let Renjun be for now.

So he had no other choice but to follow the older’s retreating figure from where he stands.

***

Renjun made sure the door was locked before pulling out his phone and sitting on his bed. He scrolled through his contacts, looking for that familiar name then press call.

The number rang three times before the other answered it, greeting Renjun with a hushed tone. _“What’s up?”_

The younger answered with just as silent voice, nearly a whisper, as if afraid for a surprised listener despite being alone in his locked room. “As we expected, those two detectives came by this morning. Asking me questions about that night.”

“ _Figured. What did you say?”_

“What I _need_ to say. I told them what happened that night.”

“ _Everything?”_

Renjun sighed. “Of course not. Only the half of it.”

“ _Good._ _You will_ _ **not**_ _tell anyone about_ _the whole story._ _That’s the only way you could_ _avoid the_ _m._ _As of now Johnny and Ten already had their eyes set on the five of you._ _Especially you since you are Jaemin’s boyfriend.”_

“I know, ge. That is why I told you they didn’t know anything. They have no idea Jaemin called me around the time before he was killed.”

“ _And it should stay that way._ _It’s easy to_ _erase the records of Jaemin’s last phone calls and the text messages._ _You tell no one about it, okay._ _Jaemin did not try to contact you after 12:30._ _That is the story_ _and you’ll stick to that.”_

“Thank you so much, ge. I owe you one.”

“ _Of course, you do. Just what will you do without me? But r_ _eally, Renjun? Out of all the disappointments you give to our parents,_ _this is the worst._ _How could you let yourself be_ _associated_ _to_ _a murder?_ _Much more be a suspect?!”_

“I know, I know. Can you not scold me now, please? I already have a lot on my plate.”

There was a sigh on the other line. Despite not seeing, Renjun can picture his stepbrother rubbing his forehead in distress. _“_ _I already took care of everything._ _There is no evidence left that could_ _point out to you. But Renjun-ah...”_

“Hmm?” he hums as a response.

“ _You did not kill Jaemin,_ _right_ _?”_

Renjun’s eyes stared blankly at the white painted walls, mind coiling back to the memory of that night before Jaemin died. Some of them only for him to recall.

“Of course not. I will never,” he answered after a few minutes of shared silence.

“ _Alright._ _But we need to meet._ _You still have a lot of explanations to do. No buts, kid. I just save your ass._ _Meet me as soon as you_ _come back.”_

“I will, _Sicheng ge._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors in this part. Just had the sudden urge to post this at midnight. Anyway, thoughts? Kudos are always welcomed. Thank you for waiting and happy reading.
> 
> \- sungchan


	3. Chapter Two: L'ex Amant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Jeno, the whole town screams of Jaemin. And all the joyful memories they used to share from years ago.

The funeral service for Jaemin isn’t held until three days later. When his body was finally transferred into his hometown, two hours away from the city. It was the same town Jeno, Chenle, and Donghyuck grew up in. The same town where they first met, play as kids and hang out as teenagers. Jeno has no idea that the day where setting foot in that place again will bring him such a heavy feeling, as memories of Jaemin filled the town.

Renjun sat on the very back with Jisung and Chenle. While Jeno and Donghyuck sit side by side behind the driver. Chenle called for someone to pick them up in the city. All boys decided to go together and attend the funeral service the Nas prepared for their only son. Misunderstandings and arguments are thrown at the side even just for a short time, for the sake of the deceased.

Nothing has changed much, that itself Jeno thought while looking outside the van’s window. There’s still the mini-park with the old tree- somehow still alive despite its golden age- and Jeno sees his 15-year-old self playing the guitar for a smiling Jaemin. A smile crosses his face without him realizing it. Beside him, Donghyuck is watching.

Their ride stopped in front of a small church, the same chapel Jeno would attend his Sunday morning mass with his family. They all hopped out one by one and entered the church. From the entrance was Jaemin’s older sister, Jaerin, greeting their visitors. Her make up was obviously a cover to hide her weary face. And though she’s smiling, the corners of her eyes automatically became glassy when she met with Jeno.

“Noona,” Jeno greeted in a whisper.

Jaerin nodded, working her best to smile at least to the boy she also considered a brother, then pulled Jeno into a hug. “Yah it’s been a long time, Jeno-ah. Look at you now, all grown up. You haven’t visited in so long.”

“Sorry, Jaerin noona.” The truth is, ever since Jeno and Jaemin broke up- with Jeno leaving Jaemin for Donghyuck- he had lost the confidence to visit their hometown. It’s not like he has a family to visit anyway. His parents died long ago, he only had his grandmother to raise him. Until the old woman died too before Jeno could even begin college. It is a sad story really. More than anything, it was Jaemin’s family who basically adopted him, celebrating all the special occasions in Jeno’s life with them. So when they found out Jeno and Jaemin are dating, they cannot be more overjoyed. They treated him like their own son so it’s not like much will change. Perhaps that is exactly why Jeno has no courage to face them after what he did to Jaemin.

But Jaerin nodded in understanding. “It’s okay, we understand. We’re not mad, maybe dad’s a little disappointed but he got over it. More than anything, we are sad that we wouldn’t be able to meet you if not for this unfortunate incident.”

“I’m really sorry, noona,” Jeno looked away, guilt eating his heart.

There was a slap on his shoulder and a playful tsk from the older girl. “You should be! Now care to introduce me to your new friends? I see some new faces here.” Jaerin smiled, looking at the other four boys who were left standing awkwardly behind Jeno. Of course, she knew Donghyuck. He was once like a brother to Jaemin- a familiar face in their household. And Chenle too- who'd frequently ask their parent’s permission to let Jaemin spend Friday nights at their home in the past. But the other two she sure hasn’t met before. Perhaps in the pictures Jaemin often posts on social media she saw them.

“Oh, right. This is Jisung and Renjun. They’re our friends.” Jeno introduced. But then he earned a look from Renjun, a silent message that says _‘Come again?’_ So the male cleared his throat and added, “Renjun is also Jaemin’s new boyfriend.”

There is a flash of surprise that etched on the girl’s face before it's back to neutral. Jeno understood because Jaerin has never met Renjun personally. The older girl shook both of Jisung and Renjun’s hands. “Nice to meet you two. Especially you, Renjun. Jaemin had told me so much about his new boyfriend but we never got to meet. I couldn’t say I’m glad we met like this but, yeah. It’s nice to finally meet the last boy my brother loved.”

Renjun had a shy smile on his lips as he gripped the older’s hand. “Yeah, likewise.”

“Anyway, you all should come in. Mom and dad are inside, I’m sure they’ll be delighted to see you again, Jeno.” Jaerin patted Jeno’s shoulder before moving on to a new guest. Jeno observed Renjun’s face in the corner and saw him nervously biting his lip. Guess it’s only reasonable that he’s anxious. After all, this is his first meeting with Jaemin’s family. And in Jaemin’s funeral at that.

But as they greet more and more familiar faces, all of those Jeno, Chenle, and Donghyuck knew while growing up, along with Jaemin’s parents, Jeno couldn’t help but feel bad for Renjun. It’s obvious he felt out of place. The timing is just wrong, he couldn’t even meet Jaemin’s family on a normal occasion. Both are just awkward with each other. Hardly giving stiff smiles and plain greetings. Jeno, on the other hand, approached Jaemin’s parents and other relatives with such ease. Like it is something he was born to do. Renjun was easily forgotten on the side, if not for Jisung who stayed beside him. As they are the only two outcast who knows no one in this town.

The first day of service went on like that. Meeting old faces and having short conversations. It’s an awkward setting to do those, yes, but a part of these people wanted to distract themselves from the painful truth that is right in front of them.

They all wanted to forget the fact that this is a funeral and not some reunion gathering after all.

***

Ten and Johnny had surprisingly come on the last day. The five boys were surprised at the sudden appearance of the two detectives, though they tried their best to hide it. Jaemin’s parents and sister kindly welcomed and assist them, offering the two snacks before the official mass starts. Johnny sat beside Renjun- who gave off a more matured look with his formal suit- white Ten occupied the space on his right. Both males feeling a little out of place with their regular casual clothes. They didn’t know it is the last day for Jaemin’s funeral. Simply thinking the day’s good to observe the victim’s family, environment, and friends, Johnny and Ten set off for a long ride.

The mass didn’t start until after another half hour. With the local priest standing in front of the altar. He began with a prayer and the usual speech derived from the bible. Johnny examined the five boys listening intently at the speaker; Renjun, especially, whose face is hard to comprehend.

On the right side, aligned in the same row, were Jaemin’s parents and sister. All crying, tissues on their noses. Surprisingly though, Jeno is with them. The male specifically sitting beside Na Jaerin, patting the female’s back with an arm around her petite body. Then there is Chenle, who is also familiar with the Nas. But so is Donghyuck. So why the hell is Donghyuck separated from them?

Johnny also found it weird that Renjun, since they came, never once sat or shared a conversation with any of Jaemin’s relatives. Especially his parents and sister. If he’s not mistaken, it was Jeno who stuck to the three like a glue. All while Renjun remained in the corner. Feeling the need to share the curiosity with his partner, Johnny leaned into Ten and whispered, “Why is Renjun here when he should’ve been with his boyfriend’s family?”

In this case, everyone would have mistaken Jeno as Jaemin’s boyfriend instead.

Ten spared him a glance, then whispered back, “Uh, maybe because Jeno used to be Jaemin’s boyfriend for three years? And isn’t Jeno from this town too?”

“Yeah. And so is Donghyuck.”

“Are you stupid? Donghyuck is the one Jeno cheated behind Jaemin with. The kid would have had such a thick face if he sat and cried with the family of the person he betrayed.”

Johnny glares at Ten. “Did you just call me stupid?”

“Yes, I did. Because you can’t see the obvious and is whispering in my ear me when Renjun and Donghyuck are literally beside you. They could hear you right now, idiot.”

From the corner of his eyes, Renjun, Jisung, and Donghyuck are all focused on the priest. If they are listening silently, Johnny has no idea. But he decided to save his questions for later.

But not before adding, “Jeno is the one who cheated on Jaemin. And yet he’s embracing Jaemin’s sister like a family would.” The taller shakes his head. If someone asked him, he would say Jeno should have been the one to feel the embarrassment and shame from his past cheating, not Donghyuck. So if the family has forgiven Jeno, it shouldn’t be a problem to show mercy with the tan male too.

“Jaemin is a good son, a trustworthy friend, and a loyal lover. He is loved by many. And I know some of you here had their share of memories with Na Jaemin. Small or big, it is those times that we will keep with us for a lifetime. This is your chance to go here in front, share your most memorable moment with our deceased friend. Maybe tell him something you never got the chance to say when he was alive. It’s indeed a pity and heartbreaking, but it’s always better to be late than never.”

Minutes after the priest said those, a few members of the audience took the courage to raise their hands and stand on the platform. Most of them around Jaemin’s age, who introduced themselves either as the latter’s cousin or a classmate in high school or grade school. All of them say the same thing. The common approach people who deliver eulogies often speaks about. They remember the dead as a person who was bright, shining like the sun, friendly, kindhearted, and always respectful and polite.

As much as Johnny came here to pay respect, he wished he would have found something interesting while around. Anything about Jaemin’s background, or _real_ personality. But none of these people would have actually spoken the truth in consideration to the departed.

Johnny was yawning until Jaerin’s turn. Ten pinched him on the side that he had jolted. It’s not his fault things like this make his eyelids heavier than it already was.

“Jaeminnie is my younger brother. For all of you who knew us, we’re kinda popular in this town as the Na siblings. Because we were always glued like a gum. I believed some of you already said it, but I want to repeat these words again. Na Jaemin is a happy child, awfully bright even when we were still kids. I called it awfully because when I was going through puberty during my teenage years, I used to get annoyed by his crazy antics. Being the younger one, Jaemin basks in the attention. He likes it so much that he would whine if he doesn’t get any from me or our parents.” Jaerin laughed at the memory. “He’s very intelligent too. Always topping his classes with marks of As. When he decided he wanted to study in the city, I and our parents were hesitant to let him go. Because our home without Jaemin will only be a house. It was Jaemin who makes everything better, comfortable, tolerable. He’s our cheerleader, a mood maker. I guess that’s one thing I’ll miss the most from my brother. Apart from his clinginess, of course.”

“Jaemin wanna be a social worker. He dreamed of working in the government and helping with charities and foundations. He’s very fond of babies and children. He likes to spam me- us- with messages in his free time. Jaemin is someone filled with dreams and hope. It’s so sad to think that all of a sudden his hope had sunk. And tomorrow will be buried along with his coffin.”

“For my brother, my first best friend, and my cheerleader, I will always love you. I hope you rest in peace now. I’m so sorry noona couldn’t protect you that night. I’m so sorry you met a gruesome end. I’m so sorry the world is cruel. So sorry your light faded away sooner than anyone of us. But Jaemin, if you can hear me from wherever you are, I wanna tell you that _you are the light in all its form_. Wherever you go, noona is certain there will be no darkness waiting ahead for you.”

When Jaerin returned to her seat, Johnny was following her with hawk-like eyes. He definitely didn’t miss Jeno embracing the crying girl, hand patting on her back, as Jaerin sobbed in Jeno’s neck. _‘They really are close.’_

“Any more person who liked to share or give even a short message to our Jaemin?”

When the priest asked that, his eyes had automatically landed over the three boys beside him. None of these boys had actually stand up ever since the priest asked for volunteers. And you would think they’d be the first to speak for Jaemin.

But after a full of silence, Chenle’s footsteps echoed throughout the church. The kid, who looked anxious at the front, started with a shaky introduction.

It was a simple one, nothing too dramatic. But Chenle’s voice cracked in the middle while speaking of a particular memory between him and Jaemin back at a prom in their high school years. Chenle began crying, that the next words that came out of his mouth were too incoherent to understand.

“J-Jaemin hyung... I’m so sorry I couldn’t thank you p-properly f-for all t-the times you c-cooked for me a-at the d-dorm. Or f-for all t-the times you p-put up w-with me and J-Jisung. Y-You are the b-best hyung I ever h-had, and n-never had. T-Thank y-you for e-everything. P-Please don’t l-laugh a-at my s-sobbing face, o-okay?”

Surprisingly, Donghyuck came up next.

“I... I have a lot of things to apologize for. And to be honest, I am not sure if I even deserve to deliver a message for Jaemin. I’m not so sure if he’d like it. But I’ll take the risk nonetheless.” His voice is small like he actually doesn’t want everyone to hear what he was about to say. The male took a deep breath before unfolding his paper and reading what’s inside. “To my best friend, Na Jaemin. I’m sorry I betrayed you. I don’t think I could ever properly atone for what I’ve done to you in the past. And it’s so sad to think you died bearing hatred for me. I hope at least, it isn’t that heavy anymore. I will never forget the boy who had approached me first when no one else did. The same boy who owned the largest smile. The first to take my hand when no one is willing to. Thank you for the friendship you offered. In our next life, if we meet again, please accept me back as a friend. I wouldn’t have made it if not for you. You’re a big part of my life. I’m so sorry for not being a good friend to you. I love you. You will be missed by me, your forever best friend, Lee Donghyuck a.k.a Full Sun.”

Johnny saw the exchange of looks between Donghyuck and Jaemin’s family. He saw Mr. and Mrs. Na nodding towards the boy, while Jaerin cried harder, only muffling her sobs by clamping a palm on her mouth. When Donghyuck returned back to his seat, Renjun and Jisung gave him a smile. The crowd waited for another volunteer. But no one came.

Not even from Renjun who is Jaemin’s boyfriend.

Actually, the person that stood up and went in front after another minute of waiting, is Lee Jeno.

“Renjun hyung, won’t you speak in front?” Johnny heard Jisung spoke to the older.

From his peripheral vision, Renjun shakes his head slightly. “Maybe not, Sung-ah.”

“But you are his boyfriend. You deserve it.”

“Nah. They don’t need me narrating the two years I’ve spent with their golden boy. Not when they have Lee Jeno.”

“It’s not fair for you, hyung.”

“It’s okay. Besides, you know how much I hate attention. I despise being the center of it.”

“Yeah. So unlike Jaemin hyung.”

Johnny had found himself frowning over the already finished conversation. He decided to focus his attention on Jeno, who was standing frozen for a minute now at the altar.

The thing is- no one will ever be ready for a eulogy. You can prepare a graduation speech or the stories and jokes you wanna crack at your friend’s wedding someday. But a letter for the dead is something no one would even dream of writing. Jeno pulled out a letter from the pocket of his coat. Clearing his throat before delivering his last words for his once-lover.

“To Na Jaemin, the very first person who befriended the lonely me as a kid. I would never think a day will come that I'll speak in front of your relatives and our friends on behalf of you. I had never thought a month, a week- ago, that you will be sleeping in your coffin in eternal rest. Before I write this, or before I came here, I asked myself a lot of times: Is it okay for me to do this? Will you be okay if I suddenly show you kindness in your death when I’ve been nothing but mean to you while you were alive these past few years?” Jeno looks down, his fringes covering half of his face.

Folding back the paper, he whispered, “The thing is I don’t care anymore. Get mad at me, call me a fraud, and stupid as you always do to people who are too late to regret their actions. Still, this is something I wanna do. I want to say I miss you, and that I’m sorry. For everything. Our story has its ups and downs and pretty much I know you’d agree if I said our ending is not the ideal. Not the one everyone- even us, expects it to be. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad story. Our book is my favorite. As I’ve always told you, you will always be the ray of light to my dark clouds. Even when I’ve been nothing but the dark clouds hiding your sunshine. To my first best friend and first love, we share a lot of memories, bonds, love, friendship, and many more things that I will carry with me for as long as I live. It’s just a little sad that you had to leave so early, now I have no one to share all these things with.”

“I love you, Jaemin. Even when our forever ended so soon.”

***

“ _Wow, that is heartwarming, Jeno-ssi. Your message for Jaemin, I mean.”_

The said male turn to the owner of the voice and quickly excused himself to one of Jaemin’s uncle to regard Johnny. “Detective Suh. I apologize I couldn’t greet you earlier. As you see, today’s the last day of the service. People are thrice as large than yesterday,” Jeno shakes the detective’s hand.

Johnny looks around. “Yeah, I can see that. Looks like you know everyone here too. You got along so casually with the visitors.”

Jeno offered a shy smile before scratching the back of his head. “Ah, it’s because I grew up in this town. I am familiar with Jaemin’s family the most, even his other relatives. In the past, I used to celebrate holidays with these people.”

“Right. Small town, knows everyone,” Johnny smiles, nodding.

“How about you, Detective? It’s nice to see you here. Didn’t think you and your partner- that short hyung?- would come though.”

The older tried not to laugh at the innocent insult over Ten’s height. It’s probably a good thing he told Ten to ask around unless this kid would definitely face his partner’s wrath before they could even disclose this case.

“Right. Well, it’s only appropriate for us detectives to at least pay respects to our client, victim?” Johnny doesn’t really know what’s the proper name to call their relation to Na Jaemin. While Jeno really pays no mind at that, merely shrugging and looking back at the detective with a more serious and uptight lip.

“Hyung, tell me the truth. You were not just here to visit and mourn with us, right?” Not when they don’t even know Jaemin personally.

Seeing no reason to hide what’s already obvious anyway, Johnny hums. Sharp and more perceiving eyes piercing through Jeno as if to study the younger’s expression. “That’s right. The real reason we’re here is because we would like to talk to you about a few things regarding Na Jaemin.”

Jeno doesn’t flinch at the abrupt change and more formal tone the officer used. Instead, looking just as serious as the older when he silently agrees and steers outside- as if he had seen it coming. He walks ahead of Johnny, exiting the small church to indulge the serious and formal conversation the latter had requested for.

After walking for at least 10 minutes, the two found themselves in a safe distance from the packed-up place. And Johnny could finally take in the fresh air. He doesn’t really like crowded places that much, especially churches.

“So, where should we start Detective?” By the way Jeno had taken the courage to begin their little conversation only made Johnny realize that _ah, he must have foreseen this_. Renjun must have told him he and Ten have plans of questioning all five of them who'd been with Jaemin before he died. If not, Jeno wouldn’t glance at Johnny as if he’s the one daring the detective to begin their mini question and answer portion.

Johnny did not back down, of course, and decided he does not like to play the understanding hyung anymore but instead reclaim his title of a ruthless and sharp-tongued detective.

“You know kid, I really like that speech you deliver for Na Jaemin. I felt the love, honestly. Especially in the ending. Aah, it really touched me to the core. If I didn’t know better I’d mistake you as Jaemin’s lover.”

He tried to catch anything, any sort of emotion that could tell Johnny that Jeno’s strong and hard resolve is breaking. But the kid served him nothing but a blank stare. “And so? What are you trying to point out?”

“Just that you’re a _really_ good friend and obviously one of Jaemin’s most memorable ex-partner.”

“I am only Jaemin’s ex-partner,” Jeno corrected.

Johnny quirks an eyebrow, “Oh?”

“Yeah. He dated me for three years, but before that, he never had any sort of relationship with anyone. I am his first. And then after me, Renjun came.”

“So you were his first and last. Hmm.” That sounds too movie-like for Johnny. “How about you, Jeno? Did you date anyone before Jaemin?”

“No. Jaemin’s also my first.”

“So how was Jaemin as a lover?”

“He’s nice. Sweet- _very sweet_. He always puts you on top of his priority list. He’s that kind of person who would answer your calls at 3 a.m, someone who would leave whatever it is he’s doing if you asked him to. He’ll read the books you were reading even though he doesn’t understand half of them, he’ll watch horror movies with you despite his fear of ghosts. Yeah, he’s... almost perfect.” Jeno nodded, lips curling in a small smile upon recalling his experiences as Jaemin’s lover.

Now, Johnny thought, is where the real interrogation begins.

“Is that why you left him for Donghyuck? Because he is _not_ perfect but only _almost perfect_?” Johnny criticized.

It works, now that Jeno looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “What?! No! It’s- it’s not that.”

“You speak about Jaemin, told us a lot of beautiful things about him. But let’s not overlook the fact that you, in general out of everyone, had done all the worst and awful things to our victim. You strangled him, fought with him, cheated on him with his best friend. If you asked me you really have no right to stand there and read a eulogy for the person you threatened _to kill_ the night before he died, don’t you think?”

“You don’t understand okay?! Stop looking at me and don’t judge me as if my past behaviors are enough proof that I killed Jaemin! I didn’t kill Jaemin! I would never kill him!” Jeno outbursts.

“But you said you will. _If_ he refused to stop harassing Donghyuck.”

“Yes, I did say that! However, don’t tell me you had never threatened anyone when you’re in a sour mood officer?”

Johnny tilts his head, nodding a little. “Not gonna lie, I threaten a few people too. Had the urge to kill them especially if they annoy me a lot. _But_ I don’t say it out loud with my hands wrapped around their neck. Nor did I say it before they end up dead in their room under the same roof where I am at,” he shrugs.

Jeno looks like he was about to pop a vein out of frustration with the accusation Johnny had thrown over him. Johnny understands, he does have that kind of effect on their suspects. He won’t be nicknamed as the Annoying John by Ten if he isn’t.

“Look, Jaemin and I- we had a long history. They are too precious, too meaningful, that no amount of arguments or lies between us could simply erase that. I love him, and he loves me too. Just not the way we did from the start but the love and respect are still there nonetheless. I could never hurt my best friend,” Jeno tilts his head, taking a deep breath.

“God knows I hated myself just as much, if not twice, for cheating on Jaemin. He’s literally the best person out there. And I’ve never been so lucky having him in my life. It’s just Jaemin and me, we’re not meant to be. We both knew that. We were both trying to put the past behind us. I’ll bet my life to tell this to you Detective: I will never kill Jaemin.”

“Where were you the night before Jaemin died?”

Jeno sighed, reminiscing the memories after the fight that occurred between him and Jaemin. “I am with Donghyuck. We stayed up until 10 watching movies in our room. After that, we went to sleep.”

“Are you telling the truth, Lee Jeno?”

“Hell, yeah! You could even ask Donghyuck if you want. I was cuddling with him the whole night. We slept together.”

“Are you aware that Renjun and Jaemin had a fight, too, that evening because of you and Donghyuck?”

Jeno nodded in solemn. “Yeah.”

“And... Jaemin never bothered to come to you or your boyfriend? Maybe to make up and patch things?’

“No. That’d be so unlike him if he suddenly came to us and apologize just because his boyfriend is on a whim.”

Johnny took a mental note of the way Jeno’s corner lip curved upward in an I-am-annoyed kind of manner.

“So, Jaemin never contacted you? Any of you- to talk about his fight with Renjun?”

“No, he didn’t.”

“How about Renjun?”

Jeno lifted an eyebrow, followed by an amused chuckle on his lips. “Renjun?” He blows an air, looking around as if to find his next words. “Renjun is an uptight one. Very uptight if you asked me. Matters like personal problems or disagreements with Jaemin, he likes to discuss them privately- only between him and his boyfriend. He doesn’t like attention, be it negative or positive. So nah, he’s totally not the type to call a friend’s phone and cry about his relationship problems. And if he ever did, we’re not the ones he’d be calling. It’s Jisung.”

“Jisung?” Johnny frowned.

“Uh-huh. They’re close. Way before we met them. Renjun and Jisung were childhood friends. Along with Mark hyung. Us seven, we only became close because of Jaemin. When he began dating Renjun.”

“And who is this Mark hyung?” Johnny asked about the new name.

“You didn’t know Mark hyung? Mark hyung is Lee Minhyung, one of the rising rappers well known for his self-composed music here in Korea. Yeah, we met him thru Jisung and Renjun. He’s a year older than us and the last news I’ve had of him... he’s busy with his tour. That explains why you’ve never met him. Apparently, he’s too busy with his concert and the promotion of his new album that he skipped his friend’s funeral service. I wonder if he’s even aware of Jaemin’s death.” There’s saltiness in Jeno’s tone mixed with an undeniable disappointment when he spoke those words. Which, in all matter, Johnny understands where it’s all coming from.

He discreetly typed the new name over his phone’s memo. Johnny had to look it up later at the station. Whether this Mark guy is present at the crime scene or not, Johnny had a good feeling about this.

***

It was a cloudy day when they buried Jaemin’s body, allowing the male’s remains to be one with the earth. Everyone that attends all share the same expression on their faces: sadness, anguish, emptiness. A memory that they will remember forever where even the sun refuses to shine as Jaemin’s coffin is slowly swallowed by the ground. Jaerin wore a lacy black dress, a tissue damping her wet eyelashes marred with messy mascara. Mr. and Mrs. Na both held each other, comforting their other half in earnest. The five boys stand side by side, all dressed in formal clothes and faces surprisingly indecipherable, void of any kind of emotion.

Renjun’s the first to throw a rose over Jaemin’s disappearing coffin. Followed by Jisung, then Chenle, Donghyuck, and finally, Jeno.

Within that split second, as Jeno’s eyes linger a little longer towards the box that held what was left of Jaemin in this Earth, it suddenly lingers in his mind. The promise of forever and a happy life he tore in the past.

“ _I’m thinking of ending things.”_

_Looking up from the cold coffee on his hand, Jaemin peers intently at his lover’s face, Jeno. Jeno, who is as good as a stranger these past few months. Jeno, who now seldom gave Jaemin his usual I’m-so-in-love-with-you smiles. Jeno, whom Jaemin often finds looking at Donghyuck more than his own boyfriend. Jeno, who is making Jaemin feel more anxious with his empty stares right now._

_Deciding to play safe and act clueless, Jaemin offered Jeno his sweetest smile after sipping down on his cup of coffee. “Ooh, is that the title of a new book?” Jaemin doubts a book like that exists. And if there is, Jeno wouldn’t know._

_Still, he hopes Jeno would just nod his face so they can continue this game of feigning ignorance a little longer. Jaemin has always been afraid of the truth. But the other nod his head, intention clear. And Jaemin was never ready to hear it yet straight from his lover’s lips._

“ _I can’t do this anymore. Let’s end our relationship, Jaemin-ah.”_

_It’s almost amazing, how Jeno said all of that without breaking just a little bit. Not even a blink of an eye or a single bit of remorse, guilt, or perhaps sadness flash his eyes. It’s almost sad, how he spoke all of that with certainty and strong resolve._

_Jeno does not look even a tiny bit affected. When Jaemin swore his world just crashed right there in the middle of his favorite coffee shop._

“ _I’m sure you’re aware, you’re not stupid Jaemin. How long did you know? That I was cheating with Donghyuck?”_

_Jaemin fingers are close to squeezing the plastic cup on his hand._

“ _So let’s not play dumb and act like nothing’s wrong with us, Jaemin. This relationship has long stopped working. It’s time we put an end to this before we could hurt each other even further.”_

“ _You’re shameless,” was all Jaemin could say. Even with his pooling anger, his voice came out raw, almost wretched- like a little child’s about to break down while looking for his lost mother in the middle of a supermarket._

_Jeno sighed. “I know. I am. In fact, I’m more than willing to admit and announce to the world how much of an asshole I am. That is why I want to end this now. Thing can’t be undone anymore, and no matter what I say it can’t erase the fact that you are hurting because of me. So let’s just end this. That way we could no longer keep hurting each other.”_

“ _Easy for you to say, you’re not the one who got fooled by his boyfriend and his best friend. Is that what this is for you, Jeno? Am I really too worthless now that you’d just be willing to toss me around like a fucking doll once you decided it? And then what? You’re going to Donghyuck?” Jaemin laughed mockingly, not minding how bitter the sound came off._

“ _I’m sorry, Jaemin.”_

“ _No! You’re not sorry. If you are you would have put an end to your affair way before it came down to this! If you truly loved me, you would have thought of my feelings first. You would have fought for us.” Tears started to brim at the corners of Jaemin’s eyes._

_Jeno looked away, unable to stare longer at the shattered eyes of the person he once vowed to love and cherish forever._

“ _You’re right, I know about it all. I am not stupid, but obviously, I am fool enough to believe you’ll change. To believe in us. To believe in that non-existent love you had for me.”_

“ _Jaemin, you know I loved you. I truly did.”_

“ _Then don’t go. Don’t leave me, Jeno-ah._ _ **Please.**_ _” He knows it's pathetic. Jaemin always hated these kinds of scenarios in a movie or drama. Three years ago, he just never expected to be in the same situation as those pitiful characters he’d often throw hates on. Right now, as he almost compressed the cup of his coffee right inside his palms, eyes pleading and heart desperately wishing for Jeno’s arms to wrap around him, he now understands. Desperation is not something a person has control with. Rather, it’s the last sign of hope for everyone._

_Jaemin’s hope crumbles into pieces when Jeno gave him his cold, loveless eyes. “I love Donghyuck, Jaemin-ah. I love him so much.”_

“ _What about me? You’re just going to throw that all away just because of a worthless whore like Donghyuck?!”_

“ _Donghyuck_ _ **isn’t**_ _a worthless whore, Jaemin! He meant the world to me!”_

“ _What about me then?! If he’s your world, what am I? Just one among the many stars?” Jaemin is now full-on sobbing, and they are aware they’ve been catching a lot of attention now inside the shop._

_Jeno refused to answer. Jaemin’s heart broke again and again._

_Both of them knew this could only end one way or another. Perhaps Jaemin trusted Jeno a little too much that he never thought this would be the kind of ending they’ll meet. When he first discovered of Jeno’s affairs with his best friend nonetheless, Jaemin is furious. He had refused to talk about it to anyone, especially with Donghyuck. It’s been months and Donghyuck, out of everyone, is the most aware of the major shift in his relationship with Jaemin. All of a sudden, Jaemin isn’t his best friend anymore. As the latter’s hatred for Donghyuck grew bigger and bigger the longer the infidelity goes on._

_Still, Jaemin’s heart never changed for Jeno. If it isn’t obvious enough just how much he feels for the other. To the point he’s willing to sacrifice his own tears, his trust, his heart, for the person who kisses his best friend when no one’s looking. He loves Jeno too much he’s willing to choose him again and again, even when Jeno had long stopped choosing Jaemin in his life._

“ _Where did I go wrong Jeno? Did I not love you enough?”_

“ _That’s the thing Jaemin. You loved me too much. Sometimes it’s frustrating, oftentimes it’s suffocating. When I promised you I’d stay with you forever did you know how old am I? We’re barely adults, Jaemin. How was I supposed to know?”_

“ _Then you shouldn’t have said that! Why even bother reassuring me of something you yourself is not even sure of?”_

“ _Because I love you then. I_ _ **really really do**_ _. And maybe that’s the thing with love. We all thought it’s going to last forever when really, nothing ever does. It’s a mere second, a spark of a moment, something a version of me that time was so certain of. But right now, that was not me anymore. I’m different yesterday, I’m different today. I’m sorry I was not prepared to change my heart either.”_

_Jaemin shakes his head, tears flowing one by one through his cheeks. “To change is your choice, Jeno. And I have that choice too but I love you too much let myself be swept away.”_

“ _ **That**_ _is the problem with you, Jaemin! You... you are too much! You have this idea of love and expectations_ _from me that makes me afraid. Every time I am with you, I had to act like we’re in some sort of sappy romantic unrealistic movie where you’re the female lead and I’m your lover who is willing to go through any sort of trials just for you! And it’s really tiring, Jaemin. It’s tiring that I have to apologize every time I fail to answer even just one of your calls! It’s frustrating, all those countless apologies and efforts I had to push through just to earn your forgiveness when I replied a little late to your text messages! Do you, for once, ever asked me if I am doing fine? If I am okay with all of these? Whenever we’re together, everything has to be about you. Why? Why must I pretend to play the role of a perfect lover just to make you happy? Why must I swallow down my own opinion just so I could support_ _yours? Why must I ate something I don’t like, pretend to like something I hated to the core, and smile like everything is fine just to make you happy? Why am I too afraid talking to you about all these when I could’ve just opened up to you? Why do I have the feeling that you won’t understand because you’re too caught up in your own_ _definition of love?”_

_Jeno had exploded. And Jaemin was surprised to hear all of these things coming out from Jeno’s mouth. Obviously, it is the first time he’s heard of them all. Jeno never once said anything to him before. Honestly, the thought itself disappeared in just a few seconds after passing through Jaemin’s ears._

“ _Oh. So now I am at fault. Should I apologize too because it seems to me I am the one to be blamed for that you cheated with Donghyuck.”_

“ _See that? Donghyuck is not the reason why this relationship is crumbling down. Even before I started liking him, a thought of ending this passes by my head. Because it’s scary. Living a life like this with you is scary. I can’t live with someone who only sees himself and refused to listen.”_

“ _Goodbye, Jaemin. I’m sorry for everything.”_

_When Jeno left Jaemin frozen and crying on their_ _table, he tried to maintain a poker face. But once he’s inside the privacy of his bedroom, he might have shed a tear or two, heart also breaking for leaving his first love behind._

***

For detectives like Johnny and Ten, there is no room for grieving as they went straight back to the headquarters after showing up at Jaemin’s wake. Both sport serious faces as they scan each file of their potential suspects.

“Hey Ten, did you manage to confirm a certain Lee Minhyung’s identity?” Johnny asked, the tip of his ballpen tapping on the background.

“Yep! I was just about to tell you that. Lee Minhyung, also known as Mark- I’m sure you don’t know him because all you know is work work work,” Ten whispered the last part but Johnny caught on the blush and the sudden wide stretch of his lips by the mention of the male’s name. Johnny glares while Ten continues, totally oblivious of the sharp daggers from his coworker. “He’s a well-known rapper who produces his own music. He writes almost all the tracks in his album, very popular in Western and Asia, and man, I’m telling you his new song peaked at number three on Spotif-”

“Okay TMI. I get it. The guy’s a well-known idol. Well anything that, I don’t know, could probably tell me what is the relationship of Mark with our victim and possible suspects?” Johnny rolls his eyes.

Ten pursed his lips. “Right. As far as my research goes, Mark is indeed friends with the six. They went to the same university, Mark was born in Canada but he grew up at the same place Jisung and Renjun grew up in. The three attended the same school up ‘til high school. Plus, I also saw this on one of Mark’s old posts in his IG.” Ten showed him his phone, where a group photo of the seven from years ago was posted on Mark’s Instagram account. From the background view, it appears they were camping by the beach.

There are the familiar faces of their suspects and the victim, with the addition of Mark in the middle. Some looking at the camera and holding out a peace sign, while others raised their bottles of soju instead.

Johnny memorized the year and the date. There is a caption _‘Last night~’_ at the bottom.

“Based on what I’ve heard, Mark is staying in his hotel kilometers away from the resthouse that the Zhong family owned. I had a contact with the hotel branch and they verified that Mark has checked in that night. It couldn’t be him. Plus, I see no motive. He looks like a typical old friend of the six from college,” Ten told before snatching back his phone and pocketing it. “How ‘bout you? What ya got from Jeno?”

“Nothing,” Johnny sighs, sinking back to his chair. “Out of the five of them, I’d expect Jeno to easily crack. He’s impulsive, looks calm on the outside but in reality, the boy was having trouble keeping his emotions in check. He reminds me of the murderers in real-life crime documentaries I just love to watch. They all share one attribute. Impulsiveness.”

“And? You know well enough you can’t charge a person of a crime just because he shares the same personality as your typical murderer on a TV.”

“I know that. It’s just something’s fishy. Did you see the way Jeno acts up this morning? I swear for a fleeting second I saw him subtly wiping a tear,” Johnny tilts his head.

“So? His childhood best friend just died. It’s his first love, first boyfriend, first kiss, first hug, first everything. It’d be more suspicious if he doesn’t.” Ten clicks his tongue. Johnny is truly a great detective. He witnessed him catch criminals with accuracy and dedication. But sometimes his lack of “emotions” or “common sense”, as what Ten likes to call it, gives him a great disadvantage.

‘ _He better be grateful he has me,’_ Ten thought.

Johnny, though still deep in thought, decided to give it a break for now. “What about the Nas? Did you get any information from them? Anything that could help us?” he changed the topic.

“Unfortunately, since Jaemin moved away for college, their knowledge about him is very minimal. The thing is, they don’t even know Renjun.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like Jaemin never once introduced Renjun to them? They say they know Jaemin has a boyfriend but they never saw him until at Jaemin’s funeral, of course, which is kinda sad by the way. So yeah. Makes sense why they favor Jeno more because Jeno is the “legal” boyfriend for so many years. The two basically grew up with each other. According to Jaerin, their family has always been in favor of Jeno. They entrusted Jeno with Jaemin to the point that they refused to believe their own son when Jaemin told them Jeno cheated with Donghyuck and broke up with him. They thought it’s just a phase and that in the end, they can still fix their relationship.”

“Oh, and lemme share this. According to Jaerin, quote and unquote, “No one will be better enough for Jaemin than Jeno”,” Ten followed.

Tapping his chin, Johnny’s mind rolled up at the events from the past days. At the way the Nas treated Jeno like their own son, while they gave nothing but a shoulder of a stranger for Renjun. Which, basically, is expected since they’re literally strangers with each other.

“Do you think Renjun knows?” Johnny asked aloud.

“It’s obvious though. He might know, deep inside.”

“But I was thinking of Donghyuck, too.”

“Why? What about Donghyuck?”

“He basically grew up with Jaemin and Jeno as well. I’ve never once seen him interact with the Nas while we were there.”

“Do they hate Donghyuck?”

Johnny does not know but there is a possibility. A 70% chance that everything, this whole tragedy, started with that long-ago mistake and suppressed pain caused by that betrayal.

***

Donghyuck watches as Jeno removed his shoes from the doorway, finally coming home after an hour or two from his supposed to be “grocery shopping”. It’s been three hours since they left the cemetery- with the weather being not on its best and all. As it is already evening and both too tired to come to the city after a mentally and physically exhausting day, they decided to stay in the town for tonight. In Jeno’s old family house to be exact.

The wet patches of clear raindrops on Jeno’s denim jacket didn't go unnoticed by Donghyuck. Even the tips of Jeno’s fringes are obviously damped. Way to go for a person who was supposed to be inside the premises of a supermarket.

“Where’s the grocery?” Donghyuck asked, startling Jeno who is still struggling with his wet socks on the doorway.

“Right. Uh the grocery... I uh, couldn’t find the ingredients we're looking for. You know how small the stores here. It’s no wonder they’re always missing something.”

It was a swift excuse. But Donghyuck knew better. Still, he chose not to comment any further. “So what do we eat then?” he asked instead.

“Let’s just order pizza or chicken, Whatever you prepare babe. I’m too tired to cook anyway.” Jeno flashed Donghyuck a smile. Finally leaning closer to press a chaste kiss on the tanned boy’s lips. _It was their first ever since Jaemin’s death._

Donghyuck smiled nonetheless, nodding at the other. “Alright. You go take a shower, I’ll call for delivery.”

“Thanks, babe.”

After their dinner, the two finally retire to bed. And it’s the earliest they had after a long week. Suddenly, it’s like all the neglected restlessness that they temporarily set aside to take care of the important matters came crawling on their spine and muscles, aching to be tend to in the form of hours long sleep.

But despite his drowsiness, a question is keeping Donghyuck awake. Of course, it’s one among the many things that are keeping his mind sober and active despite the obvious sleepiness. It irks him to death. He would very much gladly disregard it if it isn’t such a poison he simply couldn’t get out of his system.

Without any more pondering, it escaped his lips. “Jeno, where were you that night when Jaemin died?”

Jeno stirred beside him. Donghyuck felt the latter’s hands freezing on his arms.

“What do you mean? I’m sleeping beside you all evening, silly.” Jeno answered in a forced laugh.

“Right. Of course, you are,” Donghyuck muttered, eyes glued on the door.

Jeno chuckled, peppering soft and light kisses on Donghyuck’s neck as he hugged the latter behind. “Let’s sleep now? I’m tired. Goodnight, babe.”

“Hmm, good night.”

Even when Jeno’s breathing began to stabilize, his unmoving arm draped over Donghyuck with his soft snores hitting Donghyuck’s ears, the latter still finds it hard to close his eyes when his mind wanders through the same question and the answer Jeno provided him.

He’s thinking so hard, mind repeating Jeno’s answer like a broken record, that he didn’t realize how tight his clutches are on the covers. His hands shaking, knuckles white- the fabric wrinkled in the most possible way.

Donghyuck glares at the door.

_Jeno is lying._ Unbeknownst to him, Donghyuck woke up that night- somewhere past 12. And Jeno is nowhere beside him.


End file.
